Resident Evil

I am 31% evil.




I could go either way. I have sinned quite a bit but I still have a bit of room for error. My life is a tug of war between good and evil.


Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com

Personality Disorder Test

These are the results of my test. I don't know if I'm going to believe this... tsk tsk tsk.

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid 66% Schizoid 74% Schizotypal 62% Antisocial 74% Borderline 66% Histrionic 34% Narcissistic 42% Avoidant 22% Dependent 30% Obsessive-Compulsive 34%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Disorder Info

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal



Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.


Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.



Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic



Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.


Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive



Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

Some Comments Please

As I was reading my notes for my exam this upcoming Saturday, she sent me an IM asking for some answers with her Chemistry problem. Unfortunately, my roommate Jason was here beside me so he provided the answers. She then told me that she will dedicate an entry for me in her blog, and then gave me the url. I don't know what to think. On the one hand, I'm flattered, as I am still all red. On the other hand, I am afraid it means it's not yet over... whatever it is for her. I'm still trying to end all these.

Here it goes....

"Wahooo!
At last, I have an answer to the Chem 31.1 lab question.

Hah!

Thank you!

Thank you Allan..

Gosh.

I realized that I haven't talked to this guy for so long.

And I miss him.

How can I not?

He is there whenever I feel like crap..

He is there whenever I feel stupid...

He is there whenever I am stupid...

He is there to help with the technicalities of life...

He is there...

Damn.

I don't know what I'd do without him.

And yet I know that he can very well do without me.

I swear, I don't know what I did to deserve him.

I must've done something right.

So answering to the Law of Compensation..

What can I do for him?

I honestly don't know.

But if ever..

If ever lang na kelanganin niya ng topak na katulad ko...

I will be there. "

Ode To You

It's very difficult to explain to you everything. I cannot tell you why my life is currently in this state, inasmuch as I'd like you to understand. I know it is very unfair for you since it is not only our relationship as friends (if you can consider it that way), or buddies, or simply, more concretely, as ChE 134 groupmates, that is affected, but our equipment design project as well.

I don't want you, above anybody else, to be burdened by what's bothering me... especially since even I cannot get a hold of myself. It pains me to see us getting farther away from each other by the minute, and that I am not doing something about it.

I want you to be happy. I know you have problems of your own, but I'm sure you are stronger than me. Go on with your life. There are questions that can never be answered, no matter how hard you try to seek ways to find even the slightest clue to their solution. Don't try to find these for me... because it will just be a waste of time.

I have a lot of respect for you, since that time when we were just plain acquaintances. You are more than what is ordinary, and I've kept that to myself because I am not the type who appreciates the male species. I have considered you as my friend, as my only buddy ever in our organization. I have tried to let you know who I really am, and I think you have known me more than what I have prepared for you to know.

Even just in this small space of my imaginary world, let me say how I appreciate everything you did for me. First, for trusting me with your secrets, no matter how light they were. Second, for all those things that happened the past one year and several months that we knew each other. Third, for the ChE 133 stuff... I know I'm not going to make it without you, and I am feeling guilty until now because we both know that it was all your work, and that I just let you did so. Fourth, for the ChE 134 things... you know it already. Fifth, for just being there, for being one of my confidants, for telling what's wrong with me. Lastly, for being someone who truly cares. I was the one who opened her internet accounts that day of June... and for some Friendster reasons, your message to her (sent sometime around April or May?) was received just then. I believe you still remember that... thank you, and I mean it. She knows about it already, and there was no reason to say that you are just meddling with our lives. We both appreciated your concern. Nobody will do it, even for a friend, but you just did.

Now I dont know how this will end... as I am still not sure where my life will bring me. I just want to make post this as a part of my guide, as a marker, so that I know how I will retrace my steps, in case I stumbled in this path again.

How Time Flies

I did a little arithmetic on how I spend an average weekday last August, and I was horrified to see that nothing of importance was given any slight priority.

08:30 am: Wake up, take a bath
09:00 am: Go to class (I'm always this late)
11:30 am: Eat lunch
01:00 pm: Tambay or sleep
05:30 pm: Opens my PC
08:00 pm: Starts YM conversation; Checks e-mail and friendster account
11:00 pm: Ends YM conversation
11:10 pm: Starts to browse my MySpace Account

01:00 am: Tinkers with whtever new program is installed
02:00 am: Shuts down PC

I should not have brought this computer in the dorm in the first place.

End Of My Days

I just realized that I'm not my usual self this week. I go to class without having learned anything, I spend my time at the tambayan without recalling what I did there, I stare in my computer for hours doing nothing. I even lie on my bed without really getting some decent rest. I'm not in need of a professional help... but I think I really need some now. I don't know in what form, just as long as it would take me away from my nightmare. I know it's too late to change now since the finals is very near already. I have ruined my life in three months time. I have failed my own expectations, and that it what's killing me. I still have a lot of things running in my mind, and I can't help but think as if the world's problems can be solved by my blunt mental capability. I am trying my best to withdraw all these thoughts, but I keep on failing because I feel that I'm near the triumph already... only in my dreams. Someone really has to to take me away from all these.

Sleep, Allan, Sleep

It's already three in the morning, but I still cant sleep. I even tried to finish the last bottle of gin with some of my friends in the dorm, only to have a headache. I tried to open my computer and see what I can do at this time, and I found out that the whole Yakal network is still online. So I am here staring infront of my pc writing something to relieve me of the whole Sunday stress.

Too Much

You were never in my plan in the first place. You came into my life just when I was starting to enjoy my life as it is, just as everthing was already planned and all of my activities and acads were going smoothly. I never even imagined myself having to talk seriously to someone like you. You were just one of the new batch of Kalai-fresh sophomore that we have power-tripped that night of July.

I think I first saw you at the East Wing Two acquaintance party. You were one (I think) of the organizers of the games and I, late as always for any activity, made a grand entrance as my friends shoved me to represent our team for some game without even knowing what it is. So there I just clowned around shouting and making jokes as expected by those who know me already. You laughed along with the others, I am sure, because back then my sense of humor was still A++. But I did not really notice you to give you some special treatment becuse I had to cut short my appearance. It was 9:30 pm and I had to go to San Juan to spend the night.


You were one of the "sick" newbies that were given some special consideration as the upperclassmen prepared the annual grand initiation rites. Because I was tasked to have everybody blindfolded, I was at the center of all the 'fresh' Yakalites. And there you go, raised your hand, told us that you have asthma. I noticed you there, and had to give you the paper flower for you to tie on your hair so every member of the violent gang would know that you should be exempted from some violent activities. I was very stupid to ask my wingmate for your name because it started everything.


I must admit, you moved me away from the sickness that I've been experiencing as a resident stucked in this cursed dormitory. You made me conscious of myself inside the dorm, that I have to always wash my face and comb my hair and wear something better than my high school home clothes in the lobby. I failed to give up my dorm life because I grew some fondness for you. I broke my promise of limiting my tv hours and presence in the lobby, just to have some small talk with you. I deprived myself of the much-needed sleep just to get to know you better. I became a ym addict, just so I can have the chance to talk to you.

I made the blunder of asking you to talk with me last night as the bands are getting into their music. I cannot believe asking you something like that, and I knew that I have to do something fast before I give my trust to you. You made the right reply to my text message. "I'm tired na rin eh", you told me. If you just know, I'm more tired because it was a bad day for me, then I came to the dorm with my clothes drenched because of that sudden downpour. More so, I have already taken alcohol and puffed my first cigarette in months. And you? Right there in the lobby blinking your eyes to that Ginling Festival vocalist. Tsk Tsk. I was alone last night, problematic, and you made the best answer you could ever give to me in your entire life. I want to thank you for that. I will never give you any information as to who I am. I am not about to reveal myself to someone like you who is afraid of life in its true sense. I was just in the state of "near drunkenness", I learned this morning.

I am giving it all up NOW. I learned my lessons well. I cannot let you get into my life deeper just as you did for a few months now. You were great, I cannot say anything against you except for your being a boy hunter. What did you say back then? That you just love the thrill of the chase? That you just like someone when he still seems to be aloof and hard-to-get? That you probably can change your mind just as easy when he already gets trapped into liking you? I did not know that game before... and I am not going to play it now. I am not going to act as a safety net for you... someone you can talk to only when you are in some sort of problem. I stayed for you before because it is my natural self to make others a little happier and that is a personal satisfaction. I am here for anyone who needs me. But you should have taken care not to hurt other's pride. I am not asking you anything more than simple appreciation. I am not 'just always around', as you might be thinking. You are not my life. I do not even love you. And I will start not to care anymore. Go on and try to catch your buddy. Make your lead singer catch your attention. Flirt all you want. I'm not going to hear any of it again.