Ode To You

It's very difficult to explain to you everything. I cannot tell you why my life is currently in this state, inasmuch as I'd like you to understand. I know it is very unfair for you since it is not only our relationship as friends (if you can consider it that way), or buddies, or simply, more concretely, as ChE 134 groupmates, that is affected, but our equipment design project as well.

I don't want you, above anybody else, to be burdened by what's bothering me... especially since even I cannot get a hold of myself. It pains me to see us getting farther away from each other by the minute, and that I am not doing something about it.

I want you to be happy. I know you have problems of your own, but I'm sure you are stronger than me. Go on with your life. There are questions that can never be answered, no matter how hard you try to seek ways to find even the slightest clue to their solution. Don't try to find these for me... because it will just be a waste of time.

I have a lot of respect for you, since that time when we were just plain acquaintances. You are more than what is ordinary, and I've kept that to myself because I am not the type who appreciates the male species. I have considered you as my friend, as my only buddy ever in our organization. I have tried to let you know who I really am, and I think you have known me more than what I have prepared for you to know.

Even just in this small space of my imaginary world, let me say how I appreciate everything you did for me. First, for trusting me with your secrets, no matter how light they were. Second, for all those things that happened the past one year and several months that we knew each other. Third, for the ChE 133 stuff... I know I'm not going to make it without you, and I am feeling guilty until now because we both know that it was all your work, and that I just let you did so. Fourth, for the ChE 134 things... you know it already. Fifth, for just being there, for being one of my confidants, for telling what's wrong with me. Lastly, for being someone who truly cares. I was the one who opened her internet accounts that day of June... and for some Friendster reasons, your message to her (sent sometime around April or May?) was received just then. I believe you still remember that... thank you, and I mean it. She knows about it already, and there was no reason to say that you are just meddling with our lives. We both appreciated your concern. Nobody will do it, even for a friend, but you just did.

Now I dont know how this will end... as I am still not sure where my life will bring me. I just want to make post this as a part of my guide, as a marker, so that I know how I will retrace my steps, in case I stumbled in this path again.