Too Much
You were never in my plan in the first place. You came into my life just when I was starting to enjoy my life as it is, just as everthing was already planned and all of my activities and acads were going smoothly. I never even imagined myself having to talk seriously to someone like you. You were just one of the new batch of Kalai-fresh sophomore that we have power-tripped that night of July.
I think I first saw you at the East Wing Two acquaintance party. You were one (I think) of the organizers of the games and I, late as always for any activity, made a grand entrance as my friends shoved me to represent our team for some game without even knowing what it is. So there I just clowned around shouting and making jokes as expected by those who know me already. You laughed along with the others, I am sure, because back then my sense of humor was still A++. But I did not really notice you to give you some special treatment becuse I had to cut short my appearance. It was 9:30 pm and I had to go to San Juan to spend the night.
You were one of the "sick" newbies that were given some special consideration as the upperclassmen prepared the annual grand initiation rites. Because I was tasked to have everybody blindfolded, I was at the center of all the 'fresh' Yakalites. And there you go, raised your hand, told us that you have asthma. I noticed you there, and had to give you the paper flower for you to tie on your hair so every member of the violent gang would know that you should be exempted from some violent activities. I was very stupid to ask my wingmate for your name because it started everything.
I must admit, you moved me away from the sickness that I've been experiencing as a resident stucked in this cursed dormitory. You made me conscious of myself inside the dorm, that I have to always wash my face and comb my hair and wear something better than my high school home clothes in the lobby. I failed to give up my dorm life because I grew some fondness for you. I broke my promise of limiting my tv hours and presence in the lobby, just to have some small talk with you. I deprived myself of the much-needed sleep just to get to know you better. I became a ym addict, just so I can have the chance to talk to you.
I made the blunder of asking you to talk with me last night as the bands are getting into their music. I cannot believe asking you something like that, and I knew that I have to do something fast before I give my trust to you. You made the right reply to my text message. "I'm tired na rin eh", you told me. If you just know, I'm more tired because it was a bad day for me, then I came to the dorm with my clothes drenched because of that sudden downpour. More so, I have already taken alcohol and puffed my first cigarette in months. And you? Right there in the lobby blinking your eyes to that Ginling Festival vocalist. Tsk Tsk. I was alone last night, problematic, and you made the best answer you could ever give to me in your entire life. I want to thank you for that. I will never give you any information as to who I am. I am not about to reveal myself to someone like you who is afraid of life in its true sense. I was just in the state of "near drunkenness", I learned this morning.
I am giving it all up NOW. I learned my lessons well. I cannot let you get into my life deeper just as you did for a few months now. You were great, I cannot say anything against you except for your being a boy hunter. What did you say back then? That you just love the thrill of the chase? That you just like someone when he still seems to be aloof and hard-to-get? That you probably can change your mind just as easy when he already gets trapped into liking you? I did not know that game before... and I am not going to play it now. I am not going to act as a safety net for you... someone you can talk to only when you are in some sort of problem. I stayed for you before because it is my natural self to make others a little happier and that is a personal satisfaction. I am here for anyone who needs me. But you should have taken care not to hurt other's pride. I am not asking you anything more than simple appreciation. I am not 'just always around', as you might be thinking. You are not my life. I do not even love you. And I will start not to care anymore. Go on and try to catch your buddy. Make your lead singer catch your attention. Flirt all you want. I'm not going to hear any of it again.
You were one of the "sick" newbies that were given some special consideration as the upperclassmen prepared the annual grand initiation rites. Because I was tasked to have everybody blindfolded, I was at the center of all the 'fresh' Yakalites. And there you go, raised your hand, told us that you have asthma. I noticed you there, and had to give you the paper flower for you to tie on your hair so every member of the violent gang would know that you should be exempted from some violent activities. I was very stupid to ask my wingmate for your name because it started everything.
I must admit, you moved me away from the sickness that I've been experiencing as a resident stucked in this cursed dormitory. You made me conscious of myself inside the dorm, that I have to always wash my face and comb my hair and wear something better than my high school home clothes in the lobby. I failed to give up my dorm life because I grew some fondness for you. I broke my promise of limiting my tv hours and presence in the lobby, just to have some small talk with you. I deprived myself of the much-needed sleep just to get to know you better. I became a ym addict, just so I can have the chance to talk to you.
I made the blunder of asking you to talk with me last night as the bands are getting into their music. I cannot believe asking you something like that, and I knew that I have to do something fast before I give my trust to you. You made the right reply to my text message. "I'm tired na rin eh", you told me. If you just know, I'm more tired because it was a bad day for me, then I came to the dorm with my clothes drenched because of that sudden downpour. More so, I have already taken alcohol and puffed my first cigarette in months. And you? Right there in the lobby blinking your eyes to that Ginling Festival vocalist. Tsk Tsk. I was alone last night, problematic, and you made the best answer you could ever give to me in your entire life. I want to thank you for that. I will never give you any information as to who I am. I am not about to reveal myself to someone like you who is afraid of life in its true sense. I was just in the state of "near drunkenness", I learned this morning.
I am giving it all up NOW. I learned my lessons well. I cannot let you get into my life deeper just as you did for a few months now. You were great, I cannot say anything against you except for your being a boy hunter. What did you say back then? That you just love the thrill of the chase? That you just like someone when he still seems to be aloof and hard-to-get? That you probably can change your mind just as easy when he already gets trapped into liking you? I did not know that game before... and I am not going to play it now. I am not going to act as a safety net for you... someone you can talk to only when you are in some sort of problem. I stayed for you before because it is my natural self to make others a little happier and that is a personal satisfaction. I am here for anyone who needs me. But you should have taken care not to hurt other's pride. I am not asking you anything more than simple appreciation. I am not 'just always around', as you might be thinking. You are not my life. I do not even love you. And I will start not to care anymore. Go on and try to catch your buddy. Make your lead singer catch your attention. Flirt all you want. I'm not going to hear any of it again.
posted by Basurero @ 9/04/2004 04:08:00 PM
1 Comments:
akala ko naman kasi natuto ka na earlier but no ngayon lang pala officially kang naggive-up. alam mo naman na ganon sya di ba? inuman na ang tayo hehe, ako iinom ng ice tea ikaw ng beer.
Post a Comment
<< Home