Nothing Of Importance

I'm about to be broke now, and I can't wait for my next paycheck to survive. But I can manage these things, only if I have to ask for help again from people at home and eat my pride.

I was unable to come for the cheering practice because I slept just as soon as I got home this morning, and I just woke up some thirty minutes ago. Now I have to prepare again or else I'll be late for my shift, and I won't allow it if I get to be late this month when there is a P3000 bonus for those people with no tardy/absent record (actually, this is not yet confirmed by the HR... but it's just nice to think that it is true, right?).

I am already sick of boredom. Not because I have no one to talk with nor because I am not enjoying the stuff that I do right now. It's just that I don't seem to have someone else to share my life. Of course, I don't like to share my life with someone else because for sure it's going to be unfair for her having to worry about my stinking life and my unexplicable nature. And Im not going to start trying to create a problem for anyone.

Sometimes I think it's not healthy trying to suppress any feeling that might affect my normal state of being. I try to be a clown to hide my own face from the public. I try to laugh so that no one will notice the change, so that no one else will know that Im worrying about something. I just want to say so much, if I will allow myself to. But to whom? That still remains a question.

I have heard from a movie a line that suits me. "Why do I easily fall for anyone who gives me the slightest bit of attention?" When I heard this, I immediately tried to ask myself if I try to get attention from people so that they will be able to notice me. The answer is in the negative, but I am also wondering why I have to always get everybody's attention in the frst place. I am not in need of acceptance, because I can live on my own. And in the case of falling for just anybody (definitely not just anybody, beacuse she still needs to be of the opposite sex), probably it is because I easily appreciate people who seem to care.